Friday, February 23, 2007

Father/Daughter Republican Talk

From Political Grind

FATHER/DAUGHTER TALK

A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat, and was very much in favor of the redistribution of wealth.

She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt hat her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.

One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the addition of more government welfare programs. The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father. He responded by asking how she was doing in school.

Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn’t even have time for a boyfriend, and didn’t really have many college friends because she spent all her time studying.

Her father listened and then asked, “How is your friend Audrey doing?” She replied, “Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies, and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She s so popular on campus, college for her is a blast. She’s always invited to all the parties, and lots of times she doesn’t even show up for classes because she’s too hung over.”

Her father asked his daughter, “Why don’t you go to the Dean’s office and ask him to deduct a 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA.”

The daughter, visibly shocked by her father’s suggestion, angrily fired back, “That wouldn’t be fair! I have worked really hard for my grades! I’ve invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work! Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played while I worked my tail off!”

The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, “Welcome to the Republican
Party.”

28 comments:

Anonymous said...

Actually, that is Libertarian Party. Republicans will just take a point from everyone and keep it for themselves.

Anonymous said...

Kudos to Anonymous, that was the best reply I have read in a long time.

Anonymous said...

The story was incomplete, so I've elected to write the conclusion myself...

Returning to her second year of school, she felt exceedingly awkward around her liberal minded friends. She couldn't look at them the same way. Eventually, she no longer spent time with her clearly immature, idealistic college buddies, and found a new social circle to become involved with. She met the initial friends at a political discussion club run by other Republicans at the school, and was invited to a party. Audrey took her to the meeting. Audrey took her to the party. She had a blast, and the next day she arrived at class very late and very hungover. When she arrived, she felt very embarrassed and decided to skip. She was more conscientious about arriving to the second class properly.

The professor of the this class was a friend of one of the professors she often spoke with, ashamed of her father's conservative outlook. This year would be certainly be different. Vindication and adrenaline softly filled her veins, as she could not wait to challenge the professor on matters of individual value, rights, and property. To her delight, their first topic was Robin Hood (which the particular professor was known to traditionally open philosophy of ethics with). She ardently argued for the misdemeanor of Robin Hood, stealing from the rightfully rich to bestow pittance upon the poor.

Later in the month, excited about the upcoming elections, she and some new friends (planning to attend another wild party afterwards) went to a Huckabee rally. They were desperately enticed and very pleased to be there chanting away with the others. She noticed some odd things though, signs and chants that bothered her. To her left, a group of young men held up a massive sign exclaiming "FAGS: "a dangerous public health risk" ". They took the quotes from Huckabee. Other held signs saying "Take back America for Christ", "Save the children from murderers", "Evolution = Unintelligent Design", "Hummers for Huckabee!", "Spics steal American jobs". The guys holding the fag sign offered them all beer, which she gladly accepted (to distract herself).

As the semester drawled along, she skipped more and more classes, and her GPA slipped down to a 2.0. She joined a school club called "College Kids Crazy for Jesus" and attended weekly. They often bought bibles and hurled them at the students leaving the liberal political discussion club on Wednesday nights while screaming expletives. She later repented for these actions in church, which she now attended and felt a renewal of faith and meaning after she had quit going to mass in her later high school years. Afterwards, she continued to engage in similar activites hoping to open the eyes of the close-minded, unethical, unintelligent students. Each bible flung from her hand, right past the WWJD bracelet on her wrist. Every Wednesday.

By the end of the semester, she was in danger of losing credits from the classes she was failing, and she felt too afraid to approach any professors about the matter. Shockingly, the school instated a new policy proposed by the liberal political discussion club and the psychology department. Students could now trade GPA like points, at their own will, anonymously if they so wished. The next day, she logged into her school network to see her GPA had been adjusted to a 3.5 from the 1.5 it was a mere 24-hours previous. She was horrified, and became very despondent. She cried herself to sleep that night. She tried hard as she could not to reflect on the past 2 years of her life.

It turns out that one of her old friends donated 2.5 points of a 4.0 GPA to her, selflessly. They met up later, after her friend had been removed from the college for having an unacceptably low GPA. It was awkward at first, but they warmed up to eachother, and mended their relationship. Her friend told her a story about her father's brothers. One of them was a lower-middle class Democrat, an artist, and, honestly, quite lazy, often too apathetic to manifest his inspirations into something tangible. His wife loved him dearly, and his kids learned to live a very utilitarian lifestyle. He truly loved his family. The were fine with this, knowing that their father was once a more prosperous, engaged artist who fell on hard times after a few popular critiques gave one of his exhibitions horrible reviews. The other brother was a staunch Republican and owned his own business, in addition to two Corvettes, an expansive million dollar estate, a beach front property, and a property in a ski resort. His kids were nasty, spoiled, and belligerent. They had expensive cars given to them before their 16th birthdays, expensive computers, plasma televisions each of their large rooms, a private maid, and closets the size of most people's garages. They never understand the value of a dollar, or a relationship, because daddy was on wife #4. They probably didn't know what a one dollar bill looked like. They felt justified though, knowing that the had such great things because their father had earned them through hard work.

The Democratic brother was all for socialized programs, welfare, and the like. He was very interested in communism and considered Karl Marx a hero of mankind.
The Republican brother believed in private ownership, privatized organizations, and the like. He felt like he had the right to do whatever he wanted with what he "earned" and that there was nothing wrong in how or why he spent his money because it was HIS. He voted for Reagan twice. He also considered the lower class to be where they are because of their own damn fault, and never considered the idea that a society with no lower or middle class was impossible. He also considered himself a realist, and an objective thinker. When faced with moral dilemmas, he make decisions he regretted and washed away with expensive wines.

As it turns out, they both died. Apparently that happens to everyone. When judged before the Gates of Heaven, the Democratic brother was condemned for believing the right thing for the wrong reasons. His Republican brother was condemned for believing the wrong thing for the right reasons. Both were sent to Purgatory, which turned out to be Earth (apparently the Buddhists were partially right).

After hearing the story (fictitious by the way) she daughter felt disgraced, yet honored. She and her friend parted ways, and when she returned to school, she grueled away at redeveloping good study habits (a difficult task). She stopped caring about political positions, and right and left. She stopped caring about right and wrong, good and evil. She became interested in everything anyone had to say, because she realized there was some value in it, or it else it wouldn't have existed. When interviewing a possible applicant while she was a senior, the applicant asked her about her political affiliation. She responded, jokingly, that she was something of a Liberal Libertarian Socialist Humanist. She went on to explain that she believed it is not what you believe or what you do that matters nearly as much as how you do it and what the result is. She explained that everything is with many purposes, that everything is interconnected, and that the meaning of life is irrelevant because we're already here. She went on to say that because of that (quoting Kurt Vonnegut), we're obligated as humans to help eachother through this thing, whatever it is.

Simmons said...

That's awesome!

Anonymous said...

What a GREAT story!!!! For those who read it, do you get it?!?!? I mean REALLY GET IT!??!?!

Liberals don't.....

Anonymous said...

PART 2 - Five & a Half Years Later

Fortunately Audrey's father is a rich banker. So when she graduates with a 2.0 five and a half years later, she will get a great intenrship at an investment bank in NY. Pops will pay her rent so she can spend her money on purses and clothes and more partying. eventually she will meet a young broker at the firm and end up marrying him. He will cheat on her, but that is ok because the place in the hamptons is nice and she gets to travel and buy even more purses. they will have two horrible brats who will grow up to me maladjusted assholes who get 2.0s in college and repeat the lives of their parents.

Meanwhile the daughter of this Republican who is quoting some rush limbaugh story he heard on the radio will have to live in bed stuy. she wont get any internship since her dad doesn't know audrey's dad. instead she will take the train and bus to her job cocktailing at some hip hotel bar where wall street guys will sexually harrass her and try to get in her pants. then she will go back to her dangerous neighborhood and get harrassed by the thugs who hang out on her block. eventually she will meet some dirty hipster in a band who will knock her up.

then when her dad comes to visit her once the baby is born, she can remind him that it is OK that the baby's hipster father ditched out to move to seattle because since the democrats took over there is now universal health care and she does not have to pay for that, her taxes have gone down even though her dad and audrey's have gone up, her neighborhood thugs now have jobs since the democrats have decided to spend more on building bridges, schools and roads and needed many uneducated workers to do this contruction, the neighborhood kids are not as much of a nusiance becuase education spending has gone up and they have hired more teachers and now it is easier to get through to these troubled inner-city kids. Also, since this girl got a 4.0 and they are hiring smart good teachers she has gotten a job at the local school, and gets paid pretty well. her baby also gets free day care and will get a good education, even though she cannot afford to send him to a private school.

as the dad looked at his first grandkid, the daughter slowly smiled winked and said gently, "i',m glad that i had a choice to either keep or end the pregnancy, and since the Demcorats took over it was much easier to choose to keep it. oh, and I am so happy you decided to vote to re-elect Obama in 2012."

Anonymous said...

Libertarians are just republicans who want to make pot legal. LOL !

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jhonson said...

I disagree with the above remark. I think in these tough economic times we need to rethink our old ways of thinking.

jhonson said...

I disagree with the above remark. I think in these tough economic times we need to rethink our old ways of thinking.

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